Thursday, April 30, 2009

Humble Pie's more bitter out west

I had a meeting not too long ago with somebody who has a pretty large role in the political and media relations arena here in Seattle. We talked about work and the world, and of course he asked me what exactly it was I wanted to do. So I told him. Now, he knew I paid my bills through writing, so he asked me some obvious questions, ones I wish I had better answers for...

Do you submit to (City Magazine)? Do you pitch humor pieces online? etc. etc.

Sadly my answer was a constant, "no, I'm going to work on that eventually."

Which lead to the inevitable, "so Ron, what exactly are you doing?"

This guy has 30+ years of success in the field of journalism, I'm sure to him we Hunter Thompson fanatics already seem amateur, nonetheless, I couldn't in my heart tell him what I was actually doing...erotic literature. Yup, in this economy, I gotta take what I can get.

While other people are pitching spec scripts, blogging for Huffington, negotiating publishing pitches, I'm editing orgy scenes between a girl and her two brothers. We all have our peaks and valleys I suppose.

Speaking of which, earlier this month (it's still April 30th) I participated in a comedy competition in Bend, Oregon. Bend is a neat ski-town in the middle of the state. Driving there, however, one must go over a pretty long pass. I hadn't checked the weather conditions. Starting the drive from Seattle it was completely pleasant, ordinary North-west spring weather. The pass was a different story. I hadn't realized how high in the mountains I actually was, and this pass was covered with snow and it was coming down...hard. I literally switched seasons in a matter of seconds. Now, I've never handled snow well, NEVER. When other people see me drive in snow they assume I'm a Seattle native, they're shocked when I tell them I'm from Pennsylvania. What can I say? I don't do snow.

Trucks were sliding, people were pulled over putting their chains on. I was in a Dodge Caliber rental, I didn't have chains nor would I have any clue what to do with them if I did. I wondered just how high up I was, there were little signs of elevation. Had I made a wrong turn somewhere? Am I still on the right road? When this is all over, I'm buying myself a GPS. I put the car in auto-stick, that helped a great deal. At that point, I let out an open call for help. I don't necessarily pray much, but hell, anything was worth a shot. I made it out, and of course once over the mountain the roads were completely normal.

I know it's trite, but after that I decided I was going to have a more positive attitude about things, not take anything for granted, focus more on the bright side...That lasted a few days. If you'll excuse me, cunnilingus calls.

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