This past weekend marked the first time in my nifty little career that I did a run and every stop on the run had a skyline. In fact, most of the time NONE of the stops have a skyline, let alone all of them. SOME of them have even stumped Google maps before...what is the zip of this place?...I'm checking wikipedia...how many of these people carry guns everywhere?...Wait, how many KKK members live near this town?...Can I get anything other than Rush Limbaugh on the radio here?...These are all questions I've asked myself at various times, you get the idea.
Alas, this weekend Thursday night was Pittsburgh, Friday Columbus and Saturday Cleveland. I was opening for Hamell On Trial. If you haven't heard of Hamell yet, Google him. There's a documentary about his life and career coming out soon.
Anyway, the Pittsburgh show was a great time. Though, it started out a bit rocky, while trying to park Ed (Hamell) got a flat, right in front of Club Cafe. Pete, the sound guy from Club Cafe, came out and gave Ed a hand with getting the flat off. Me, being the handy man that I am, decided to be useful the only way I was able to be...I watched Ed's gear. It didn't walk away. A couple people that were there for the show lent a hand as well, which was cool, a few drunk people from down the street offered some unsolicited advice too, that was not-so-cool, but they meant well. Turned out the bolts were on pretty solid. I called Triple A. I explained the situation to them and they said they'd be there in about 45 minutes and I'd get a 5-minute warning call. I told them that 5-minute warning call wouldn't help me much if I was on stage. I decided it'd be easiest if I called Triple A after my set and by the time Ed was done the tire would be fixed. I always enjoy watching Ed play but I had two more dates with him so I knew I could always catch the next night.
So we put the doughnut in the trunk and I told Ed I'd call after my set and not too worry. We both headed up to the dressing rooms and I started to go over some of the newer things I wanted to try. Show was a good time, I called Triple A after my set, they came and were done before Ed was finished with his set. All's well that ends well.
The next night in Columbus was fun as well. Since I was the opener some of the crowd was still trickling in during my set, which made it a little difficult because at times some members of the audience would be on one page well others would be on another because they just arrived. Towards the end though, we were all together, and the room was solid, laughing and ready for Ed.
Cleveland was enjoyable though was by far the most difficult show for me. First and foremost, it was a matinee, day can always be tough. Second, it was by far the smallest crowd. Third, there was an opener before me, so at least half of the people there were expecting the person they came to see to grace the stage next and instead they got me. Regardless, I got through the set, did the time Hamell wanted me to do and seemed to be fairly well-received, I at least got the vibe nobody was turned off to it.
I wanted to try to check out the Springsteen exhibit at the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame but that morning I overslept.
Pretzels, energy drinks, and SKYLINES this time!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Deciphering Office Titles
I've worked in an office for longer than I'd ever planned to in my life. When I was 18-ish one of my biggest goals for adulthood was to never end up in a cubicle. Sadly, I failed at said goal. Guess I couldn't conquer never. While the above-mentioned is disappointing it has allowed me to view office life through my own direct lens. Here's a little translation to what positions actually entail:
Vice President of Operations--You've done the same thing for over 20 years. At this point, you've been around so long they had to up your salary and give you a brand new title.
Assistant Vice President of Operations--You have a family member very high up. So high up that the money in the budget that was going to go into extending benefits went towards creating an unnecessary position for you because you were never able to accomplish anything on your own. Everybody smiles at you while simultaneously wishing you would get run over by a bus.
Administrative Assistant--Gopher.
Personal Assistant to _______--You're a gopher and you're sleeping with your boss.
Officer--You have an entry level position, stay where you're at and don't ask questions and you could end up being a Vice President of Operations.
Specialist--You're an officer with a college degree.
Facilities Maintenance--Whenever it's Burrito Day in the cafeteria, you're due for a rough afternoon.
Quality Assurance--You're over-anal and generally don't work well with others, likely resulting from a lousy sex-life.
Upper Management--Once a year you need to address everybody else and tell them why nobody will be getting raises next year.
"We Value You As An Employee"--Big Brother's watching. Enjoy the Starbucks coupon.
Vice President of Operations--You've done the same thing for over 20 years. At this point, you've been around so long they had to up your salary and give you a brand new title.
Assistant Vice President of Operations--You have a family member very high up. So high up that the money in the budget that was going to go into extending benefits went towards creating an unnecessary position for you because you were never able to accomplish anything on your own. Everybody smiles at you while simultaneously wishing you would get run over by a bus.
Administrative Assistant--Gopher.
Personal Assistant to _______--You're a gopher and you're sleeping with your boss.
Officer--You have an entry level position, stay where you're at and don't ask questions and you could end up being a Vice President of Operations.
Specialist--You're an officer with a college degree.
Facilities Maintenance--Whenever it's Burrito Day in the cafeteria, you're due for a rough afternoon.
Quality Assurance--You're over-anal and generally don't work well with others, likely resulting from a lousy sex-life.
Upper Management--Once a year you need to address everybody else and tell them why nobody will be getting raises next year.
"We Value You As An Employee"--Big Brother's watching. Enjoy the Starbucks coupon.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Shows of Neatness
Amici, I'm exhausted. Flat out, point blank, I'm freaky tired, freaky busy, all the time. I don't mean to lower the mood, but I'm too beat to come up with anything witty or creative so may as well just say what's on my mind. Fatigue people, fatigue.
Anyway, I've got some kind of neat things coming up.
Friday, May 14th, I'll be hosting my good buddy Anthony Rankin's CD release show. Anthony's been a very close friend of mine for 20 years, literally, which is weird to think about because that's a bench mark of sorts, 20 years. You always hear older people say, "yeah, 20 years ago in my day, things were better because I'm nostalgic, bias and mawkish and you are in the unfortunate position of being within ear shot yappity yap yap." So, it's weird I've had friends for that long, and I have a few of them. That I'm still in touch with that is, regularly, we've been friends for 20 years. Anthony's one of those people, and, well...this may be the worst plug for a show ever written by anyone in the history of live performance.
All joking aside for a second, Anthony is among the most talented musicians I know and is without a doubt the hardest working. He's been doing his thing since Jr. High and has recorded oodles of songs. His newest album is a culmination of his career thus far, bluntly speaking, it's a collection of great songs, material which in my humble opinion is his strongest to date. I highly recommend coming to this show, May 14th, 7:30pm at Fate Nightclub.
AND..
On June 3 Hamell on Trial is coming back to Pittsburgh. Club Cafe, 10pm. Yours truly will be opening again. For those that made it in March I hope to see you again, and for those that missed it, Celebrate! For your second chance is here! If you don't know who Hamell On Trial is google it, then do yourself a favor and come out on June 3. It's like Lou Reed meets Jello Biafra meets Jack Kerouac damn it come to the show. I've known this guy since I was 19, when I first met him I had blown off work, he had on a Bukowski t-shirt and I had on a Sonic Youth t-shirt that my girlfriend in a fit of evil made me get rid of last year. I don't know why I remember what the both of us were wearing, or how it's relevant, but, whatever. I think I remember because I personally have been looking for a Buk shirt for awhile but never seem to find the right fit on EBay.
Anyway, I've got other local and road stuff coming up on the weekends as well per usual, but those were the two things I wanted to highlight. I'm to bed, later than usual. Again.
Anyway, I've got some kind of neat things coming up.
Friday, May 14th, I'll be hosting my good buddy Anthony Rankin's CD release show. Anthony's been a very close friend of mine for 20 years, literally, which is weird to think about because that's a bench mark of sorts, 20 years. You always hear older people say, "yeah, 20 years ago in my day, things were better because I'm nostalgic, bias and mawkish and you are in the unfortunate position of being within ear shot yappity yap yap." So, it's weird I've had friends for that long, and I have a few of them. That I'm still in touch with that is, regularly, we've been friends for 20 years. Anthony's one of those people, and, well...this may be the worst plug for a show ever written by anyone in the history of live performance.
All joking aside for a second, Anthony is among the most talented musicians I know and is without a doubt the hardest working. He's been doing his thing since Jr. High and has recorded oodles of songs. His newest album is a culmination of his career thus far, bluntly speaking, it's a collection of great songs, material which in my humble opinion is his strongest to date. I highly recommend coming to this show, May 14th, 7:30pm at Fate Nightclub.
AND..
On June 3 Hamell on Trial is coming back to Pittsburgh. Club Cafe, 10pm. Yours truly will be opening again. For those that made it in March I hope to see you again, and for those that missed it, Celebrate! For your second chance is here! If you don't know who Hamell On Trial is google it, then do yourself a favor and come out on June 3. It's like Lou Reed meets Jello Biafra meets Jack Kerouac damn it come to the show. I've known this guy since I was 19, when I first met him I had blown off work, he had on a Bukowski t-shirt and I had on a Sonic Youth t-shirt that my girlfriend in a fit of evil made me get rid of last year. I don't know why I remember what the both of us were wearing, or how it's relevant, but, whatever. I think I remember because I personally have been looking for a Buk shirt for awhile but never seem to find the right fit on EBay.
Anyway, I've got other local and road stuff coming up on the weekends as well per usual, but those were the two things I wanted to highlight. I'm to bed, later than usual. Again.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Laura Bush memoir and Goldman Sachs
Laura Bush has a memoir coming out. Topics include the potential poisoning her and gw were victim to in Germany and that her husband's main priority as president was preventing an attack...you can find this in the Fiction section of all major bookstores.
Laura Bush also mentions that a 1963 car crash in Texas that killed a schoolmate caused loss of faith, to bad that didn't have the same effect on her husband or we could've avoided all that abstinence only bs. The moral of the story: blame an invisible supreme being in the sky when you run a stop sign. The insurance company will buy it, promise.
The Federal Reserve issued their statement in regards to the current economy. Transcription below:
"Oops...our bad...party foul...f@!k it, let's go bowling!"
Goldman Executives issued a statement saying they have "No Regrets"...Ted Nugent is already working on the tribute song.
"We've got No Regrets!
We made some rockin' bets!
We've got money, we've got power,
O what a bummer, your deal went sour!"
(insert cow bell)
Laura Bush also mentions that a 1963 car crash in Texas that killed a schoolmate caused loss of faith, to bad that didn't have the same effect on her husband or we could've avoided all that abstinence only bs. The moral of the story: blame an invisible supreme being in the sky when you run a stop sign. The insurance company will buy it, promise.
The Federal Reserve issued their statement in regards to the current economy. Transcription below:
"Oops...our bad...party foul...f@!k it, let's go bowling!"
Goldman Executives issued a statement saying they have "No Regrets"...Ted Nugent is already working on the tribute song.
"We've got No Regrets!
We made some rockin' bets!
We've got money, we've got power,
O what a bummer, your deal went sour!"
(insert cow bell)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
A Little Pittsburgh Riffin'
Do you think if the Pope coached the Pittsburgh Steelers we never would've heard about the Roethlisberger thing but then he would've randomly been traded to another team and we'd all wonder why?
I'll be at Spring Carnival at Carnegie Mellon University this Friday, 5:30pm. There could be thunder-storms, and no I don't mean that in the cheesy faux-wrestling advertisement way, I mean literally, it may storm. I did a folk festival once in the Western Washington mountains where it stormed the entire weekend and people were staying in tents. I was the MC in between bands. I'd try to do a joke and I'd look at the band huddled on the stage, trying to keep their instruments dry because the stage was leaking, waiting for me to introduce them and get the hell of stage. I guess what I'm getting at is no matter what this shouldn't be a new experience per se, but could be interesting. At the end of the day, there's nothing stopping me from heading over to Panther Hollow with any and all friends in attendance. So come on down to Carnival rain or shine. Now that was cheesy faux-wrestling for ya.
I just got back from New York last night, had a long day, so tonight I nestled up to the Penguins' game. I've always been fascinated by the post-game locker room interviews after a tough loss. I'm no athlete but I kind of feel like a bad game is similar to a bad set from an emotional stand point. In fact I remember once last year during the Stanley Cup tournament I was hosting a weekend in Seattle. The first show was beyond awful. Small crowd, no energy, I was the host so I was up first. Tried everything I could to get them into it with no avail, boy did I shit the bed. Set the tone for the rest of the show, everybody bombed, even the headliner eventually just started rattling off his jokes like a laundry list. The next day the Penguins blew it against the Red Wings, big time. Fleury let go 5 goals and had to be pulled. I was watching the game with one of the comics from the show last night, "that's me dude, holy shit, I was Fleury last night, that's what that set felt like, please let tonight not be a train wreck." Go figure that night both shows were sold out and the crowds were great...and of course the Pens went on to win the Cup.
Anyway, post-game locker room, I don't know how those guys keep their composure all the time, if I had to have a post-set interview after a bad set, a really bad set, it wouldn't be pretty...
"Well Ron, really tough set tonight, crowd wasn't into you, guess that confederate flag in the corner of the venue could've been an indicator that this just wasn't going to be your night..."
"Stupid people are breeding, they're the only ones breeding, I'm not funny, there's nothing to hold on to, as a species we're done."
"...ok, actually the question was 'would you have changed your closer?'"
"Your mom's a closer."
I'll be at Spring Carnival at Carnegie Mellon University this Friday, 5:30pm. There could be thunder-storms, and no I don't mean that in the cheesy faux-wrestling advertisement way, I mean literally, it may storm. I did a folk festival once in the Western Washington mountains where it stormed the entire weekend and people were staying in tents. I was the MC in between bands. I'd try to do a joke and I'd look at the band huddled on the stage, trying to keep their instruments dry because the stage was leaking, waiting for me to introduce them and get the hell of stage. I guess what I'm getting at is no matter what this shouldn't be a new experience per se, but could be interesting. At the end of the day, there's nothing stopping me from heading over to Panther Hollow with any and all friends in attendance. So come on down to Carnival rain or shine. Now that was cheesy faux-wrestling for ya.
I just got back from New York last night, had a long day, so tonight I nestled up to the Penguins' game. I've always been fascinated by the post-game locker room interviews after a tough loss. I'm no athlete but I kind of feel like a bad game is similar to a bad set from an emotional stand point. In fact I remember once last year during the Stanley Cup tournament I was hosting a weekend in Seattle. The first show was beyond awful. Small crowd, no energy, I was the host so I was up first. Tried everything I could to get them into it with no avail, boy did I shit the bed. Set the tone for the rest of the show, everybody bombed, even the headliner eventually just started rattling off his jokes like a laundry list. The next day the Penguins blew it against the Red Wings, big time. Fleury let go 5 goals and had to be pulled. I was watching the game with one of the comics from the show last night, "that's me dude, holy shit, I was Fleury last night, that's what that set felt like, please let tonight not be a train wreck." Go figure that night both shows were sold out and the crowds were great...and of course the Pens went on to win the Cup.
Anyway, post-game locker room, I don't know how those guys keep their composure all the time, if I had to have a post-set interview after a bad set, a really bad set, it wouldn't be pretty...
"Well Ron, really tough set tonight, crowd wasn't into you, guess that confederate flag in the corner of the venue could've been an indicator that this just wasn't going to be your night..."
"Stupid people are breeding, they're the only ones breeding, I'm not funny, there's nothing to hold on to, as a species we're done."
"...ok, actually the question was 'would you have changed your closer?'"
"Your mom's a closer."
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The Following Should NOT be April Fools' Jokes
Population:
1. Honey...I'm pregnant!
2. Babe, I know you want kids and I don't...As a healthy compromise I got us a dog and myself a vasectomy, surprise!
3. Ann Coulter just gave birth to twin girls.
In the office:
4. Go up to your boss eating a fiber bar and say "I know you wanted the stool sample first thing in the morning, I'm still working on it."
Etc.
5. Wal-Mart just bought out every non-commercial radio station in the US. When we say 'edgy' on the airwaves we mean Creed.
6. This is going to be the year for the Pittsburgh Pirates.
7. Turns out root beer cures the common cold.
8. Letting your cats lick your arm-pits is the equivalent of breast feeding for them due to the minerals and salts in your sweat...also like breast feeding said practice is nurturing, tickles a little and when done in public people tend to stare.
1. Honey...I'm pregnant!
2. Babe, I know you want kids and I don't...As a healthy compromise I got us a dog and myself a vasectomy, surprise!
3. Ann Coulter just gave birth to twin girls.
In the office:
4. Go up to your boss eating a fiber bar and say "I know you wanted the stool sample first thing in the morning, I'm still working on it."
Etc.
5. Wal-Mart just bought out every non-commercial radio station in the US. When we say 'edgy' on the airwaves we mean Creed.
6. This is going to be the year for the Pittsburgh Pirates.
7. Turns out root beer cures the common cold.
8. Letting your cats lick your arm-pits is the equivalent of breast feeding for them due to the minerals and salts in your sweat...also like breast feeding said practice is nurturing, tickles a little and when done in public people tend to stare.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Inspiration Penetration
The other day I was walking around and I saw a guy on a bicycle, he had a giant hiker's backpack on, which I'm assuming contained all of his possessions, and he had a tiny boom-box across his handle bars...blaring the theme from Top Gun.
I stared upon this brilliant rider with the utmost envy (which may or may not say something about how content I am these days). Nonetheless, here's a dude that had the world by the balls. Peddling like a champ, going against the wind as if to say "what's next America? What else do you got? I bet half these people have office jobs that they hate that they don't have the gull to quit, I'm beating those minions damn it! People do crazy things for the illusion of safety...they'll forfeit civil liberties, stay at a job they hate, move to the suburbs of a city that's boring to begin with, join a cult, join a religion...and I don't even have a helmet on!"
There rode by a dude I wanted to have a beer with. That guy had shit figured out.
When Antisthenes got in trouble for jerking off in public he simply responded, "I only wish rubbing my belly would have the same effect in getting rid of hunger." I'm paraphrasing, but that's hysterical.
Dear Corporate-Media-Cherry-Picked American Populace, Why weren't you so concerned about costs when the last dude was sending us to war? That shit's expensive too ya know.
Dear Joe Biden, I'm glad you dropped the f-bomb, I wish that was the only bomb you or any other world leader would ever be allowed to drop.
Dear Ann Coulter, People have the right to protest, it happens. The First Amendment goes both ways. Instead of making your speech anyway, you went for the publicity stunt and tried to play the victim. I don't know what that's all a-boot, but you don't expect people to fall for that, eh?
Sometimes, you just gotta ride a bike with a boom-box and rub one out on the neighbor's driveway.
I stared upon this brilliant rider with the utmost envy (which may or may not say something about how content I am these days). Nonetheless, here's a dude that had the world by the balls. Peddling like a champ, going against the wind as if to say "what's next America? What else do you got? I bet half these people have office jobs that they hate that they don't have the gull to quit, I'm beating those minions damn it! People do crazy things for the illusion of safety...they'll forfeit civil liberties, stay at a job they hate, move to the suburbs of a city that's boring to begin with, join a cult, join a religion...and I don't even have a helmet on!"
There rode by a dude I wanted to have a beer with. That guy had shit figured out.
When Antisthenes got in trouble for jerking off in public he simply responded, "I only wish rubbing my belly would have the same effect in getting rid of hunger." I'm paraphrasing, but that's hysterical.
Dear Corporate-Media-Cherry-Picked American Populace, Why weren't you so concerned about costs when the last dude was sending us to war? That shit's expensive too ya know.
Dear Joe Biden, I'm glad you dropped the f-bomb, I wish that was the only bomb you or any other world leader would ever be allowed to drop.
Dear Ann Coulter, People have the right to protest, it happens. The First Amendment goes both ways. Instead of making your speech anyway, you went for the publicity stunt and tried to play the victim. I don't know what that's all a-boot, but you don't expect people to fall for that, eh?
Sometimes, you just gotta ride a bike with a boom-box and rub one out on the neighbor's driveway.
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