Thursday, April 28, 2011

Be a Music Major, it's Cheaper!

University of Nebraska-Lincoln is proposing a new tuition structure in which tuition amounts would vary depending on the student’s major. According to the World-Harold Bureau, UNL Chancellor, Harvey Perlman, is slated to present what has been deemed the “differential tuition proposal” to the NU Board of Regents this coming Friday.

The proposal is expected to allow UNL to charge more tuition for some undergraduate programs than others. With the rise of student-debt, the bleak job market and the diminishing value of a bachelor’s, this policy may soon become common place at Universities all across America.

Soon the “chasing-the-dream” majors won’t be senseless, they’ll be affordable! Here’s a list of the 5 most economically-friendly majors to make tuition as manageable as possible:

5. Theater- sure every-so-often somebody breaks into movies, or has some success on the stage, but with all that tuition money you could’ve gotten a studio in LA or New York and have spent four years establishing yourself in the business. Not to mention the desperation and self-loathing would fine-tune your thespian skills and teach you something you can’t get in a classroom. Now, with your slated earning potential tuition will be so affordable you can graduate, head right out to the big city, and not even need food-stamps for a solid month.

4. Creative Writing- You know you can do that in your bed-room for free right? Hell, you don’t even need a home, just a pen, maybe a notebook. You don’t need a degree to do creative writing and you certainly don’t need much start-up cash, just ask Charles Bukowski, and that was back in the day when you still had to pay for postage to send those submissions in, it’s e-mail now baby! Of course, like most writers, you can’t ask the Buk about this because he died awhile ago with little to his name, as you likely will too. Given the bleak life most writers lead, why add student debt to the mix? Creative writing tuition is at a bare minimum so you can fuel your alcoholism for years to come!

3. Art History- These days a job at a museum requires nothing more than a hipster hair-cut and a bad attitude. Four years of memorizing names from the Renaissance seems like a lot more work! Worry not, with this low tuition there’ll be enough left over to buy new hair dye every week!

2. General Studies- “Hi Prospective Employer, here’s a piece of paper that I took 7-years to earn that basically says I was never able to make up my mind.”

Umm…We’ll call you if we’re interested…

With tuition this low, the phone bill will always be paid on time so employers can contact you anytime day or night. *Disclaimer: That doesn’t mean that they will.

1. Music Business- Yes, it’s an actual degree, learn the music industry by being, well, far away from it. Tuition is extremely low though, so low that you’ll always have cash to get into that rock show one of your co-workers swore “they put your name on the guest-list for.” And remember, that story about meeting Dylan will always make you the center of attention at dinner parties…some things money can’t buy.