Sunday, July 27, 2008

The World I Really Don't Know and None of Us Do

First, I want to get something off my chest. We do have a bit of Obama-mania going on in this country. Now, I am supporting Obama for president, not because I think he's a great candidate, but because I think he is a reasonable candidate, and one that has a better shot at repairing some of the damage done to this country. I said some.

Now, that being said, there are many people I have encountered in my life, many of whom I respect their ideas and opinions, and some I would go as far to say I look up to to some degree, that are truly inspired by Obama. People have compared him to JFK, Martin Luther King, and other people of that magnitude. Judge me if you will, but to me this is nothing short of insulting.

The courage displayed by those two men is something Obama will never even begin to touch in his lifetime. And if Barack Obama is seen as some revolutionary by today's standards, then big brother's already won.

First of all, Obama has never challenged the Fed the way JFK did. If anyone in the political arena today should be compared to JFK in the true regard it should be Ron Paul. Notice how I said if anyone.

Second, let's review some of Obama's recent decisions, from Amy Goodman's Democracy Now:

"In an apparent reversal, Obama backed a new bill authorizing the Bush administration's domestic spy program and granting immunity for the telecom companies that took part. He also supported a Supreme Court decision to overturn a D.C. handgun ban. On foreign policy, Obama said he'd be open to revise his pledge to withdraw US troops from Iraq and also called for a major increase to the size of the US occupation of Afghanistan. And like all top Democratic leaders, Obama has refused to support calls for the prosecution of President Bush and top White House officials for war crimes and other abuses of power."

Obama's a politician. And while I feel his international appeal and speaking ability would make his presidency a positive change for this country, albeit a baby-step, to put him on the pedestal people in this country are placing him on is nothing short of delusional--something many people in this country have needed to resort to when taking a look out the window.

OK, that feels better.

In South Carolina people are saying the Christian license plates have gone too far. There is a new license plate that says "I Believe" and is emboldened by a bright yellow cross. People say this comes across as discriminatory against non-Christians. I say, let them have plates about their religion, but that being said there should be plates for some of the other sides as well, with phrases on them. Here are a few ideas:

"My only mental crutch is pot...hey, at least mine's real."

"I don't believe, I prefer to seek."

"Don't you guys believe 'Thou shalt not judge?'"

"If God's proud of his creation than He's an underachiever."

"I have my beliefs but I don't feel the need to broadcast them."

"Nobody cares about your imaginary friend."

In the Faux News headline count: Out of 16 headlines, 9 were headlines dealing with entertainment or bizarre news fit for a tabloid.

Monday, July 21, 2008

John McCain...UnCensored!!!

The New York Times rejected an essay written by the one and only John McCain. While they claim the rejection was simply based on procedure and they plan on publishing his piece in the future, I feel this censorship is unjust to the American people. We need to hear what our candidates have to say, regardless of how lousy they are, I mean, may be.

In pursuit of the truth, I did one of the heaviest dives of investigating ever performed in my writing career: I sought out the unedited version of McCain's essay!

CNN posted something, but I wasn't so easily fooled. This is something, but it's not the gravy, this isn't the true, raw, unfiltered pen and paper substance ideas that we've come to depend on none other than John McCain for! investigation began.

To protect the privacy of those involved, I have provided a near-verbatim transcription of my adventure.

The day began with me calling the McCain campaign. I did this through use of my personal cell phone. This is a hand-held device that can be used to make phone calls. I dialed the number of John McCain's campaign office. Their number is (703) 418-2008. I found this information via John McCain's website, there was tab, albeit hidden, that read "Contact Us." The detective in me came out.

I talked to an older fellow, much older than myself, yet we had one thing in common...our pursuit of truth.

OG=Old Guy

OG: John McCain headquarters, where foreigners die and Viagra flies!

Me: Hello sir, in pursuit of the truth I would like a copy of John McCain's controversial essay, the one the New York Times rejected.

OG: In my day, we didn't have newspapers, we wrote on stone tablets and...

Me: Sir, I understand your frustration and believe me, no one feels your pain as much as I, but the truth is bigger than both of us sir, I need this piece to publish on my blog.

OG: Blog?

Me: Yes sir, it is an electronic collection of ideas housed on the internet, and from there people may dive into the truth of...

OG: Internet? What's this hocus-pocus all about?

Me: Sir, trust me on this one, do you trust me?

OG: Yes, in fact, I think I'm in love with you.

Me: Nice

OG: I will send you your desired essay, can you receive smoke signals?

Me: No, but fortunately my assistant Lucy has that ability. Lucy, to the window.

OG: Where do you live kind sir?

Me: Seattle.

OG: On its way.

At this point my assistant Lucy went to the window. Lucy, being a cat, lacked the ability to verbally deliver the essay to me, but thanks to her assistance we were able to decipher the essay between the two of us.

Me: Thank you sir, your efforts will not go unrewarded. Know that the general populace is genuinely appreciative.

OG: Thus ends our correspondence?

Me: Sadly, yes. I have work to do, and this can not wait.

OG: Well then, don't turn around, I don't want you to see my heart breaking.

Me: The truth is not easy, god-speed sir!

Then I went straight to my computer, and I promise you fellow experiment failures, this is the unfiltered words straight from the man's pen:

In January 2007, when General David Petraeus took command in Iraq, he called the situation "hard" but not "hopeless." Today, 18 months later, violence has fallen by up to 80% to the lowest levels in four years, and Sunni and Shiite terrorists are reeling from a string of defeats...So now it's time to bomb, bomb, bomb....bomb bomb Iran!

Progress has been due primarily to an increase in the number of troops and a change in their strategy. I was an early advocate of the surge at a time when it had few supporters in Washington. Senator Barack Obama was an equally vocal opponent. You know who else wasn't in favor of it, my wife...But you know what, she's a c*nt!! (Edited for children, sorry, I guess I was a bit off on the unfiltered part).

The success of the surge has not changed Senator Obama's determination to pull out all of our combat troops. All that has changed is his rationale. In a New York Times op-ed and a speech this week, he offered his "plan for Iraq" in advance of his first "fact finding" trip to that country in more than three years. It consisted of the same old proposal to pull all of our troops out within 16 months. In 2007 he wanted to withdraw because he thought the war was lost. If we had taken his advice, it would have been. Now he wants to withdraw because he thinks Iraqis no longer need our assistance. That's total nonsense, of course they need our assistance. There are still plenty of "Weapons of Mass Destruction" there. I use quotes to try to make Barack Obama look less legitimate. And it's going to work damn it!!

To make this point, he mangles the evidence. He makes it sound as if Prime Minister Maliki has endorsed the Obama timetable, when all he has said is that he would like a plan for the eventual withdrawal of U.S. troops at some unspecified point in the future...Ok, so basically he asked for a withdrawal timetable, well, since I'm so good at quoting classic rock 'n' roll songs when it comes to serious matters, here's another one: "You can't always get what you want!"

I am also dismayed that he never talks about winning the war?(Yes, McCain put a question mark here, not sure why) only of ending it. But if we don't win the war, our enemies will. A triumph for the terrorists would be a disaster for us. That is something I will not allow to happen as president. Instead I will continue implementing a proven counterinsurgency strategy not only in Iraq but also in Afghanistan with the goal of creating stable, secure, self-sustaining democratic allies. If there's one thing we have right now, it's spectacular foreign relations, I will continue this trend by nonchalantly verbalizing plans to bomb the hell out of anybody that pisses me off! And let me tell you America, I have quite a few hemorrhoids to content with.

I remember back in my high school days there were these people down south that were trying to stir things up, they didn't want to be part of the Union. Well, Lincoln set them straight. I remember thinking, someday I may have to set the U.S.A. straight again! Well, that time has come. Vote for me and we'll have short-term solutions for our energy crisis that will make the oil companies richer and save you a few dollars while solving nothing! We'll have continued war, and don't forget improved health care, if you happen to need Viagra.

Now where's my gramophone? I've got some rocking out to do.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Unlikely pairs Unlikely times

Pat Robertson and Al Sharpton have come together to lend their support to WeCanSolveIt, a non-profit, non-partisan effort started by Al Gore....Think that's crazy? Word on the street is that Michael Moore and george w. bush both have the same favorite beer!

Seriously though, it's nice that Pat Robertson is concerned and against the destruction of the environment...too bad he doesn't feel the same way about humans.

Nancy Pelosi blames the "Two Oil Men" for high-gas prices. The two oil men she's referring to are george bush and dick cheney. Wow, Nancy, that was ground breaking, and oh so original. Honestly, out of the million things one could blame those two disasters for, high oil prices isn't necessarily one of them. There's so many factors involved there, rise in international demand, finite resources, etc. Perhaps Nancy wanted to try to point fingers to divert attention away from the fact that the democrats have "compromised" with republicans and will now be permitting off-shore drilling. The compromise is that they will "seek renewable resources."

Oh, American Politics, vague, bland, and completely unpromising. The compromise: republicans get what they want, and democrats play make-believe.

Faux News "Most Read" Count: Out of 16 headlines 10 of them dealt with entertainment. 3 U.S. soldiers were put in one of the most dangerous situations possible in Afghanistan, without proper reinforcements, all three dead. They were days away from redeployment. At least one of them was there because he was saving up for school. It was among the most deadly outbreaks of violence on both sides in months. Over at Faux there's more important things though, Dark Knight is out! And what's new with Katie Holmes?!?!?!

In the corner of my Faux News page was an advertisement for a Nine Inch Nails concert in Seattle. He'll be playing at the Key Arena next Saturday. That same night I'll be performing across the street at Mainstage Comedy and Music Club. Never in my life had I wanted to be that close to something as lame as a Nine Inch Nails concert. Seriously Trent, you made a million dollars off an album you made on an Apple computer, life can't be that bad buddy.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The League of First Time Voters Is Pure Fraud

Tonight was my first time watching the CNN piece "The League of First Time Voters." This is a segment where they take a group of should-have-been-blow-jobs, I mean, children, and talk to them about "adult"issues concerning politics.

Rick Sanchez is the host of this fluff segment and the issues he brought to the table were abortion, same-sex marriage, and the war in Iraq.

I found it interesting that the first "major issue" was abortion. Although I can sympathize with both sides of the issue (if I had to be labeled it'd be pro-choice), I don't consider abortion a major issue, it's a woman's body, she should have a choice. The sickness is that the issue of abortion has become a gimmick employed by the Right in our plutocracy to pull at the heart-strings of Christian-minded individuals and win votes. CNN nearly parroted this by bringing it into this discussion with children. Not to mention, this segment continued to limit the discourse on the subject, since children haven't developed analytical and verbal skills as much as adults (in most cases).

Next issue I think it goes without saying I can not sympathize with both sides, and I think should once and for all be a non-issue. Why should someone by denied the right to marry based on their sexual orientation? This is nothing more than discrimination, no less absurd than making people sit in certain sections of a bus based on the color of their skin, and once again a tool for the Right. They used the issue of Gay Marriage countless times over the past few years to lure Americans away from the situation in Iraq and the rising energy prices...they were successful.

Honestly, if a homosexual couple lives together in a loving relationship they should have the right to marriage and all of the potential financial benefits a marriage provides. (I'm pretty sure those are the only types of benefits a marriage provides, but I can't completely knock what I haven't tried).

Third issue was the war. The CNN moguls didn't want to completely piss on the general public and cater to the powers that be, so they threw in an issue that can't really be used for personal gains in there and let the children talk about it. And the kids did have opinions, probably which they got from their parents.

This is just another attempt to dumb-down the societal discourse from our mainstream media, which is already laughable and embarrassing at best, only this time they've gone as low as to use children in this endeavor.

If I wanted to hear dialogue on a child's level of intelligence I'd simply pay more attention to Tucker Carlson.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Jesse Jackson!

OK, so by now we've all heard about Rev. Jesse Jackson's remarks towards Obama, and of course Rev. Jackson has apologized for said remarks and re-stated his dedication to Obama and the campaign.

Here's the thing though, he said he wanted to cut his nuts off.

Sure people say things they don't mean, a guy might get mad at another guy and say, "hey, I'm gonna kick your ass!" But you usually don't hear "hey, I'm gonna cut off your balls!" Usually at that point the other guy would just be like, "whoa, that's creepy."

What do you think it'll be like the next time they see each other? Do you think Obama will try to make light of it and try to play it off? "Hey there Jesse, should I be wearing a cup? (Laughs)...No, it's ok, I know you're sorry."

Personally I think Obama should make a statement, it'd make things a bit more light hearted if he just came out and said something along the lines of "So, Jesse Jackson said he wanted to cut off my a politician you face some odd opposition at times." Then he can publicly brush it off.

The McCain campaign might have a brand new slogan: "John McCain: Rev. Jesse Jackson wants him to keep his penis."

In brighter news I had a revelation, complete and thorough. I didn't know this, but all of the problems this country has been facing domestically and internationally are, in fact, imaginary.

Thank you Phil Gramm ever so much for helping me see the light! I'm going to go outside and see that gasoline hasn't risen 85% in price and I'm going to take a road-trip all the way to Southern California.

I'm going to wake-up tomorrow and find out that all of our international conflict is over and I'll get to see my cousin, a Marine serving in Iraq (he was supposed to be completely finished in 2005, but he's still over there), next week.

Then I'm going to go out and buy some new CDs, furniture and some killer seafood because, like all Americans according to Phil Gramm, I have way more disposable income than I realize and this economy is soaring!

Everyone tune in next week to the new high-definition radio show: "Make Believe with Phil Gramm---where everything is A-OK!"

Monday, July 7, 2008

Gold and Showers

Recently, Honk Kong entrepreneur Lam Sai-wing has begun the decomposition of his "Swisshorn" gold palace, which has contained, at its peak, six tons of gold. He did this due to economic uncertainty, along with the value of gold. Which part of the house did he refuse to melt down? You guessed it, the toilet. "No matter how much this economy is in the shitter, you're not getting my shitter!" Lam quipped.

It just goes to show there are some things money can't buy, however one thing money can buy is a gold toilet, and really, would a gold toilet be all that comfortable?

Faux News has been referring to themselves as America's election headquarters, which makes sense since they've proven in the past they have the ability to pick who wins.

Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki has raised the prospect of setting a timetable for the withdrawal of American troops from Iraq...Apparently Cowboy diplomacy involves wearing out your (un)welcome...big time.

New Zealand rugby fans watching a regular sports program got a 4 minute dose of hardcore pornography instead on Sunday afternoon. The pornography was intended for a Pay Per View Channel, but somehow found it's way onto the Rugby Channel.

According to the BBC "some fans were shocked by the unexpected pornography."

The others were pleasantly surprised.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Darcy Burner/News Highlights

A college student at the University of Minnesota is being pressed with criminal charges because he posted his vote on E-bay. Whoever was the winning bidder, he would cast his vote for the candidate of their choice--It'd be ironic if the high-bidder was a Nader supporter.

The student's actions violated an 1893 law which makes it a crime to buy or sell a vote. The student could be facing up to 5 years in prison and a $10,000 fine. A bit extreme, considering election fraud goes unpunished in this country.

As for the bidding, the vote received no bids. Apparently, American citizens feel that having one vote that doesn't count is enough.

Recently John McCain was accused of having acted inappropriately toward a one time associate of Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega. Apparently he forcefully grabbed the associate by the collar in 1987, shortly after his 90th birthday.

The source here is Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran. According to Cochran McCain is erratic and hot-tempered. Old, cranky, hot-tempered, erratic and irrational, if that doesn't say time to heal up those foreign relations and spread some peace I don't know what does!

In more serious news, Darcy Burner, Congressional hopeful for Washington's 8th District, lost her home and cat several nights ago. Fortunately, she and her family are safe and escaped uninjured. Her Ames Lake home caught fire early Tuesday morning, and burned down to the ground at a very rapid pace.

There are not many politicians out there that I feel good about, to be quite frank, but I consider myself very fortunate here in Washington because I think there are some people here that are doing amazing things, and are people that I truly consider the good guys. Darcy Burner is certainly one of them. Darcy has done some remarkable work with the military and continues her efforts in ending the conflict in Iraq. She has also contributed immense amounts of support to the Health Care reform initiatives jump-started by several non-profits and Jim McDermott(Washington's 7th) and his staff, some of whom I have had the pleasure of meeting and have had discussions with.

I've had the pleasure of meeting Darcy several times and I've performed for her once. She's an absolutely wonderful individual, I'm really impressed by her, and if I lived in the 8th District she'd have my vote hands down. (I live in the 7th). Also, I'd like to extend my appreciation to for making a post in regards to Darcy so rapidly. I wish Darcy and her family the very best in this time of need.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Fun with Laws

In order to save gas and boost morale some states have started regulated four-day work weeks. "Wow," thought the apathetic little misanthrope in me, "a new left-hook in the American work culture's right eye, lovely!" Yes, I was excited. Where, I thought, could I move to take part in this phenomenon?

Wait for it, ARKANSAS!!! Or perhaps if I wanted to be more adventurous, UTAH!! You know, 5-day work weeks sound just fine, just fine indeed.

Of course, the 4-day work week is four ten-hour days. The best part is that this regulation includes truck drivers...their routes are exactly the same, workload doesn't change, and the motivation behind this 4-day work week is to save gas....hmmm....Poor truck drivers...cramming a 5-day run into 4 can't be easy, but supposedly this will boost morale.

"A" for effort Arkansas and Utah.

Since we're on the topic of driving, in California they're trying to pass a law that prohibits talking on your cell phone unless you have a headset.

One thing they didn't outlaw, text messaging. Yes, text messaging is a-OK, I mean, why not, you have an extra foot to drive with.