Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Deciphering Office Titles

I've worked in an office for longer than I'd ever planned to in my life. When I was 18-ish one of my biggest goals for adulthood was to never end up in a cubicle. Sadly, I failed at said goal. Guess I couldn't conquer never. While the above-mentioned is disappointing it has allowed me to view office life through my own direct lens. Here's a little translation to what positions actually entail:

Vice President of Operations
--You've done the same thing for over 20 years. At this point, you've been around so long they had to up your salary and give you a brand new title.

Assistant Vice President of Operations
--You have a family member very high up. So high up that the money in the budget that was going to go into extending benefits went towards creating an unnecessary position for you because you were never able to accomplish anything on your own. Everybody smiles at you while simultaneously wishing you would get run over by a bus.

Administrative Assistant

Personal Assistant to _______
--You're a gopher and you're sleeping with your boss.

--You have an entry level position, stay where you're at and don't ask questions and you could end up being a Vice President of Operations.

Specialist--You're an officer with a college degree.

Facilities Maintenance
--Whenever it's Burrito Day in the cafeteria, you're due for a rough afternoon.

Quality Assurance--You're over-anal and generally don't work well with others, likely resulting from a lousy sex-life.

Upper Management--Once a year you need to address everybody else and tell them why nobody will be getting raises next year.

"We Value You As An Employee"--Big Brother's watching. Enjoy the Starbucks coupon.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Shows of Neatness

Amici, I'm exhausted. Flat out, point blank, I'm freaky tired, freaky busy, all the time. I don't mean to lower the mood, but I'm too beat to come up with anything witty or creative so may as well just say what's on my mind. Fatigue people, fatigue.

Anyway, I've got some kind of neat things coming up.

Friday, May 14th, I'll be hosting my good buddy Anthony Rankin's CD release show. Anthony's been a very close friend of mine for 20 years, literally, which is weird to think about because that's a bench mark of sorts, 20 years. You always hear older people say, "yeah, 20 years ago in my day, things were better because I'm nostalgic, bias and mawkish and you are in the unfortunate position of being within ear shot yappity yap yap." So, it's weird I've had friends for that long, and I have a few of them. That I'm still in touch with that is, regularly, we've been friends for 20 years. Anthony's one of those people, and, well...this may be the worst plug for a show ever written by anyone in the history of live performance.

All joking aside for a second, Anthony is among the most talented musicians I know and is without a doubt the hardest working. He's been doing his thing since Jr. High and has recorded oodles of songs. His newest album is a culmination of his career thus far, bluntly speaking, it's a collection of great songs, material which in my humble opinion is his strongest to date. I highly recommend coming to this show, May 14th, 7:30pm at Fate Nightclub.


On June 3 Hamell on Trial is coming back to Pittsburgh. Club Cafe, 10pm. Yours truly will be opening again. For those that made it in March I hope to see you again, and for those that missed it, Celebrate! For your second chance is here! If you don't know who Hamell On Trial is google it, then do yourself a favor and come out on June 3. It's like Lou Reed meets Jello Biafra meets Jack Kerouac damn it come to the show. I've known this guy since I was 19, when I first met him I had blown off work, he had on a Bukowski t-shirt and I had on a Sonic Youth t-shirt that my girlfriend in a fit of evil made me get rid of last year. I don't know why I remember what the both of us were wearing, or how it's relevant, but, whatever. I think I remember because I personally have been looking for a Buk shirt for awhile but never seem to find the right fit on EBay.

Anyway, I've got other local and road stuff coming up on the weekends as well per usual, but those were the two things I wanted to highlight. I'm to bed, later than usual. Again.