Sunday, October 26, 2008

Ashley Todd's recipe to be a total moron

"High School Musical 3" is the number one movie at the box office...just when you thought there wasn't enough to be pessimistic about.

"Joe the Plumber" is considering running for congress...well, we already know he has a thorough understanding of taxes

John McCain to his only sisters circa 1930: "Hey you guys, if I ever grew up and ran for President would you vote for me?"

Looks like he got his answer.

Ashley Todd's Recipe to be a total moron:


1. Thin-tipped kitchen knife

2. John McCain Bumper Sticker

3. A local police force with a history of racism

4. A mainstream media that is so focused on the right-wing agenda they'll publish any story blasting the other side without asking any questions or doing any research whatsoever.

5. A story blaming a black guy

6. A set of stairs

Throw yourself down the stairs, make sure you are good and black and blue. Next, take the kitchen knife and carve a "B" into your face, an "O" would be much easier, but oh well. Call Faux News, the other sock puppets will follow suit. Tell your story. Remember, a black guy mugged you, and it's Obama's fault!

Facial mutilation: Resetting the bar for political activism.

Monday, October 20, 2008

You might be a racist if...

Colin Powell issued his support for Barack Obama. Rush Limbaugh recently issued statements calling this racially motivated: "Secretary Powell says his endorsement is not about race," Limbaugh wrote in the e-mail. "OK, fine. I am now researching his past endorsements to see if I can find all the inexperienced, very liberal, white candidates he has endorsed. I'll let you know what I come up with." (CNN). Many democratic bloggers in addition to Obama's campaign are outraged about said statement.

Ummmm, here's an observation: It came from Rush Limbaugh. As someone who finds themselves spending long amounts of time in a car with a limited CD collection, I find myself listening talk radio more and more. As someone who is usually driving to the next gig, which is in a tiny town with a population of 12, I can usually find Rush on the dial. Just listening to the guy is beyond painful, blood curdles, borderline hate-speech is spewed every single program, at least every one I've had the discipline to sit through.

Point, getting outraged over an ignorant, racist statement from Rush Limbaugh is like picking up an US Weekly and then being offended and outraged that the entire magazine only discussed nonsense that doesn't matter.

We know US Weekly and Rush Limbaugh exist. Do as I do, accept that they exist, and realize that entities such as Rush Limbaugh and US Weekly are there to make us realize that as a human species, we really haven't come that far. And if you believe in God, He or She must not have been selective enough when determining who got tongues.

"You might be a racist if, your name's Rush Limbaugh." I sent this to Jeff Foxworthy, hopefully he uses it.

Apparently the "polls" indicate that the race is tightening between Barack Obama and John McCain...In West Virginia and several other areas there have been recent reports of voter fraud at the tallying machines...These two instances have absolutely nothing in common.

Sarah Palin recently called Obama's policies Socialism...broadcasting to the world that there is yet another system of social organization that she doesn't understand.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Debate Notes

I don't know Joe the Plumber, I'm tried of hearing about him.

John McCain keeps blinking, this must be some kind of distraction method he learned from Palin...Sadly she defeats him in sex appeal

John's getting a little feisty...I'd be pissed too if I was the Republican nominee and down 10 points in one of the most conservative states in the country...

...The "Oh Shit I might lose Virginia" aggression continues.

John McCain's undying love for Ronald Reagan continues

When John McCain smiles his neck looks like a labia

Obama's smile is finally fading...look at us, not McCain!

Obama called out Faux-News! Ok, that gets a star

If Reagan was involved, it's ok.

Obama, please stop complimenting McCain...and why didn't you answer his question more throughly? Star rebuked.

Dude, if John McCain cries there's no way he'll lose the election...his tear ducts don't still work do they?

Have you guys been running smear campaigns? Great question, next time just ask them if they're both running for President.

Whoever makes Joe the Plumber shirts first is going to be rich...

Joe the Plumber...2008's You Forgot Poland

Anyone who considers Sarah Palin a role-model for women can only be described as mentally unstable.

Obama, out of all the flaws you could've pointed out on Sarah Palin, you chose to...compliment her.

Obama, stop smiling at McCain like a child looking at the Easter bunny, it's not helping.

Climate control...wouldn't surprise me.

Obama, the question was four years, not ten.

How soon can we have energy independence? How big were Exxon's lobbying checks?

You know it's interesting, both McCain and Obama seem to be left...handed.

I just had Deja Vu...Oh wait, the puppets are just reciting the same things and making the same accusations.

John McCain on Children Obesity: "We need to have physical fitness programs and wellness programs to fight children my day I walked 15 miles in the snow to get to school!"

Joe the Plumber, apparently you're more important than the rest of us.

Oh no, socialized medicine, the evil evil concept! We could end up like Canada, or England! Meaning...we have affordable universal health care?

John's blinking AND smiling...creepy.

"You know the Democrats have been in charge of Congress the past two years?" Yes, Mr. McCain, I also remember you saying you would kill yourself if the Democrats won...reasonable reaction much?

"We pro-life people understand we need a change in America, we need a change and know that we need to start showing change and compassion"--John McCain

Compassion as in respecting a woman's body and right to choose?

Education sucks, what are we going to do about it? Remember, spending money and making tougher qualifications for teachers isn't an option.

No Child Left Behind didn't just leave the money behind, they left the logic behind.

Throwing money at the education problem won't help it! Apparently, however, creating more lax standards for teachers while at the same time increasing their salaries will work wonders.


"We've had a very healthy discussion, because I interrupted whenever the hell I felt like it."--John McCain

Hey, it's Joe the Plumber!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Still Newsworthy: Faux News-worthy

Sarah Palin is apparently going heighten her rhetoric on abortion...I'll bring the whiskey you bring the beer, there's brain cells to be lost.

McCain recently said he'll "whip" Obama's "you know what" at the debate...He took back his statement when one of his advisers informed him that he couldn't bring a whip to the debate, not even for "that one."

In other news, John McCain blasted Georgia Rep. John Lewis for his statements hinting that John McCain and Sarah Palin "are sowing seeds of hatred and division." Wonder what would give him that crazy idea?

Obama recently accused McCain of "looking for distractions" from the actual campaign...after which Obama mentioned he has a new obsession with pie. He will put all further election activities on hold until the economic condition allow the average American to get Key Lime ingredients more feasibly.

Faux News recently did a segment on this year's connection between fashion and politics...Obama supporters everywhere are buying different Obama t-shirts with smart, hip, and witty phrases...not to be out-done, on the McCain side of the fence rich white dudes everywhere are flocking to Super Cuts.

The report leaves us all wondering, will the Faux News election coverage ever cover the election?

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Debate Reviews

Yeah, I know it's a few days late, I've been freakishly busy.

I wasn't impressed with any of the debates.

A summary of the Obama-McCain Debate:
Obama kept telling John McCain he was right: "John's absolutely right," "well, in this case John is absolutely right, we're in agreement..." He did this over 10 times, I was counting. If high-school taught me anything, I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to agree so much in a debate, but hell, what do I know?

John McCain kept singing praises for Ronald Regan.

So, basically, the moral of their debate: Regan was great!

Call me crazy, but that doesn't really solve anything now does it?

Not to mention, me, personally, never a Regan fan. I know what you're thinking, "how could you feel that way Ron? You guys have the SAME FIRST NAME for Christ Sakes!!"

I know, I'm unreasonable.

Review of the VP Debate:

Biden played soft.

Palin didn't play at all.

Playing Obama's style of non-confrontational, soft-hitting, we're-going-to-totally-isolate-every-undecided-voter-and-defeat-ourselves-as-the-Democrats-are-famous-for fashion...Biden agreed with Palin all too often. When did they plan out this strategy?

If I were Biden, I would've eventually called a time-out.

"Time out, time out, OK, American nation, I don't know if you caught this, but she just gave a shout-out to a bunch of third graders. Seriously. Did we all catch this? This is arguably among the most important elections in history, and she's talking to 8-year-olds and saying 'gosh-darnit'...Oh, did I forget to mention the guy she's running with makes up songs about bombing the shit out of countries and possibly starting a third world-war? Just checking, just making sure we all know this...Ok, next question."

One quick disclaimer would've made a world of difference.