Monday, February 14, 2011

The Winnipeg Smoker and Justin Bieber

‘Sarah Palin’ trademarked her name…Apparently she doesn’t want what happened to Rick Santorum

A student in Connecticut prompted his own arrest by calling 911 to ask how much trouble he could get into for growing marijuana. At first the dispatcher gave him the benefit of the doubt, but his follow-up question was where could he buy Bob Marley CDs, and then he called back 5-minutes later and tried to order a pizza.

Young Alex Barton was voted out of his Kindergarten class by his fellow students for his behavior, this resulted in a $350,000 settlement. Who knew social outcasts could make that much money without starting a rock band?

Alex will receive the money throughout his life through age 18, which makes one wonder if he’ll write any of his former classmates…

“Enjoying my all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii, how was the rest of Kindergarten without me? Hey, maybe if you come to this resort and vote me out of it I’ll get another couple nights here!”

Religious Group “Good As You” compares Homosexuality to second-hand smoke…if lesbian porn causes lung cancer I think we’re all in trouble

A young Winnipeg man had an altercation with cops due to reports of an armed assailant nearby. They held him at gunpoint and told him to drop the cigarette to which he responded that he “only had 2 drags left.” When he was arrested he needed two seats in the cop car, one for himself and the other to prop up his balls.

Once the altercation was resolved the man was reported to have been breathing easier, although still wheezing a bit.

Justin Bieber fans attack Esperanza Spalding's Wikipedia page the day following his Grammy loss, good to know that so many middle-schools have the internet these days.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Friends...Please Read...

Does the ... make you think it's bad news? Just curious. Well, it isn't. In fact, it's pretty good news.

This summer, I will be going on a fairly extensive summer tour. My goal is to hit every nook and cranny I possibly can within reason. I'm going to be doing a little bit of everything ranging from feature club weeks, to one-nighters, to showcases, to independent shows, to open-mics, you get the idea...Hell, if you are reading this and my itinerary finds me close to you I'll do a show in your basement if you want, there's nothing like that on the agenda yet but I'd be open to it. Point is, everything and anything. Some places I'm going to strictly for the gig itself, other places I'm going to for networking, some places I'm going to because I have friends there and want to check the place out, why not mix a little business with pleasure right?

So, to all my friends out there, if you're looking for some summer company, drop me a line. Chances are I've already contacted you in regards to this manner, in which case rest assured I'm looking forward to seeing you.

This is something I've been wanting to do since I was 12-years-old playing in garage punk bands. I've been on the road a fair amount since I've been doing comedy, but this will be the first time that I'm doing something this extensive and, possibly most importantly, on my own terms. As of right now, all of the shows I have confirmed are listed under the "Shows" section of my website. More will be announced as they are confirmed. Hope to see you on the road! Again, if you're interested in putting on a show or think I should definitely be adding your town to my list, please do not hesitate to contact me.