Sunday, September 28, 2008

As October Approaches...Sunday Wordage

Mathematicians at UCLA have discovered a 13-million-digit prime number, a long-sought milestone that makes them eligible for a $100,000, $100,000 for classifying a number the general populace will probably never have use for...economic crisis much?

A Montana Grizzly Bear has been relocated for stealing honey from beehives...Animal activists and Winnie the Pooh fans everywhere are outraged.

Apparently Joe Biden is taking some time to prepare for the VP debates...if he bases his prep time on who his opponent is, I'm thinking half-time during the Redskins game should be sufficient.

The Rescue Bail Out Plan has been revealed. Fortunately, our courageous congress has, through their bi-partisan efforts, drafted some provisions so that Henry Paulson and all else are kept under control, for example:

Curbs will be placed on the compensation of executives at companies that sell mortgage assets to Treasury...Like most curbs on a given sidewalk, these curbs will be easy to step on or over.

An oversight board will be created. This board will consist of members of the Federal Reserve, the Securities Exchange Commission, and all those who were invited to Henry Paulson's last birthday party.

Well, at least now we can all sleep easier!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

President george w. bush's To-Do-List

1. Get money to friends at Wall-Street ($700-billion bail-out!)

2. Get some pressure off of Sarah Palin (John said she answered a few questions, she talked about 9/11 and that she supports McCain, when asked if she was going to support a candidate on trial for corruption, she played deaf...she's getting good!)

3. Get even MORE pressure off Sarah Palin (If this bail-out plan isn't resolved soon, they may cancel the VP debate! Good! Joe Biden knows way too many big words...)

4. Scare American people about financial crisis (Long over-due, fortunately not enough people listen to that Ron Paul fellow...And I made all those pro-economic statements in July...damn you Dick!)

5. Call both of the Candidates to Washington to discuss this issue. (John's going to make sure he issues the statement first so it appears that he's above politics and is a better bi-partisan leader...Heh! Who's gonna buy this shit?!?)

6. Add more Sammy Hagar to IPod. (Jenna said she'd help me. What can I say, he rocks!)

7. Read some Kurt Vonnegut. (Apparently he didn't like me much, I dunno, I've never heard of him)

8. Make sure there are plenty of distractions for the American public. (Karl and Jeb are going to call Rupert...Lindsay Lohan finally came out of the closet!)

9. Meeting at 1pm....

Monday, September 8, 2008

Comedy Benefit, Thursday, 9/11/08

This coming Thursday there will be a comedy benefit at the Owl 'N' Thistle Irish Pub in Seattle. I'll be performing along with some other local comics. Camp Casey is a week long summer camp on Whidbey Island for children with physical disabilities. I had the opportunity to perform for those children several months ago and we had a wonderful time. We played improv games, told them a few jokes (watered down mind you), and we even sang some songs.

When you spend so many nights a week telling jokes that may or may not work to a room, usually full of other comedians that are just as cynical as you are, it's rewarding to be doing something truly positive.

I'm happy to be a part of this benefit and I encourage everyone to attend. It is only $5, which is less than a dollar a comic. All of the proceeds go directly to the camp, it costs them in the area of 40k a year to run the camp if I understand correctly, and that's not cheap.

So, if you can attend, that'd be wonderful. If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment or message me. Feel free to learn more at

Thursday, September 4, 2008

RNC Update

John McCain's RNC speech is supposedly going to be tailored towards his acceptance of the nomination, and his differences with rival Barack about his differences with george w. bush?

Rudy Giuliani made a monumental speech in which he referred to Barack Obama as the "least experienced candidate for president in the past 100 years," not to mention it was the first time Giuliani uttered a sentence without mentioning 9/11 since September 10, 2001.

Giuliani also blasted Barack Obama for his lack of leadership experience:

"He has never run a business," which is true, and we all know george w. bush has run businesses before, and his results were...umm...

"He's never run a military unit," which is also true, Barack does not have military experience, but John McCain does, and his results were...umm...

Huckabee spoke later, at which time he defended Palin's VP nomination.

"I am so tired of hearing about her lack of experience, I only want to hear about a lack of experience when it's convenient for my party, damn it!"

A group of protesters were arrested shortly after Rage Against the Machine's protest performance. Apparently with the Country and Western themed RNC it's a crime to like music that doesn't suck.