I never liked Tiger Woods. Never. It's those class-act-pretty-boys we always have to look out for. They're the devils in the blue dresses ten times out of ten. I remember the first time he won the title. He was crying, his parents were there, it was historical. He was a class act, a role-model, just a swell guy. Every kid got a set of golf clubs for Christmas that year, myself included. I always sucked at the damn game.
I remember in the 4th grade or something similar, maybe it was 5th or 6th I can't be sure, we were allowed to write a book report on any book we wanted. Usually, there were restrictions, but, this time in particular we were given free reign...Any book we wanted, as long as it had chapters.
Naturally, I wanted to pick a book I already read, and not just any book I've read, but the one I've read the most. Which, at the time, was "Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana" by Michael Azerrad. I still consider that one of the best rock biographies I've ever read. I met Michael Azerrad about two years ago in Seattle at the About A Son screening. Talked to him for a bit, told him I really dug his books and considered him one of the top music journalists out there these days.
Anyway, turns out the teacher was embellishing on our liberties a bit, because I wasn't permitted to do my report on Nirvana. I never cared for said teacher, she didn't last long. I asked her why, she told me that a biography wasn't appropriate.
"But it has chapters."
"It doesn't matter."
Later I found out that she was letting another student in the class do their report on a BIOGRAPHY on Tiger Woods. Being the tempered little guy that I was I confronted her again.
"Why are you letting (forget) do his report on Tiger Woods? That's a biography."
"Tiger Woods is a class guy, Kurt Cobain was a drug addict that shot himself."
All the while I'd have to see every kid and adult I know form some mawkish obsession with Tiger Woods for the next year or so until his fifteen minutes became a little more subdued...
Well, well, o, how times have changed. Class act? Role model? Don't get me wrong, dude got a piece of Joslyn James, all power. But, I'll just settle for her movies. The sponsors are crumbling, his image forever tarnished, and yet the Bleach re-issue is selling quite well. Which, by the way, the live tracks are great. Wish I could see my old teacher sometime, like the time in 2006 when I ran into my ultra-conservative republican accounting professor the day after the democrats won.
Smells like Teen Spirit? No. Smells like Karma.