President george w. bush's To-Do-List

1. Get money to friends at Wall-Street ($700-billion bail-out!)

2. Get some pressure off of Sarah Palin (John said she answered a few questions, she talked about 9/11 and that she supports McCain, when asked if she was going to support a candidate on trial for corruption, she played deaf...she's getting good!)

3. Get even MORE pressure off Sarah Palin (If this bail-out plan isn't resolved soon, they may cancel the VP debate! Good! Joe Biden knows way too many big words...)

4. Scare American people about financial crisis (Long over-due, fortunately not enough people listen to that Ron Paul fellow...And I made all those pro-economic statements in July...damn you Dick!)

5. Call both of the Candidates to Washington to discuss this issue. (John's going to make sure he issues the statement first so it appears that he's above politics and is a better bi-partisan leader...Heh! Who's gonna buy this shit?!?)

6. Add more Sammy Hagar to IPod. (Jenna said she'd help me. What can I say, he rocks!)

7. Read some Kurt Vonnegut. (Apparently he didn't like me much, I dunno, I've never heard of him)

8. Make sure there are plenty of distractions for the American public. (Karl and Jeb are going to call Rupert...Lindsay Lohan finally came out of the closet!)

9. Meeting at 1pm....