Friday, April 10, 2009

An Open Letter to PETA from my Cat, Lucy

Dear PETA,

To avoid getting started on the wrong foot, let me say that I am, overall, in support of what you do. As a proud feline I do appreciate your pursuit of our ethical treatment and due to your informative campaigns my provider and I both refuse to eat Kentucky Fried Chicken, among other things.

However, I can't help but have a slightly acerbic taste in my mouth when I ponder issues of world hunger, our struggling economy, the environment, and war. These are issues that affect us animals as well and as I hope you can agree, are of a bit more importance than changing the name of fish to "sea-kittens." Which, by the way, I do enjoy a fine tuna myself, I hope this is not your attempt to paint us cats as cannibals. If so, know that I speak for the rest of the Animal Revolutionary Society when I say we will not be pleased. I have very close ties with the K-9 Chapter as well as everyone over at the Neo-Animal Farm. Anyway, to summarize, dare I say perhaps you should make yourselves aware that there are "fatter fish to fry." And no, I don't apologize for the pun. My provider hasn't written a funny joke in I can't remember how long, I've earned this.

Anyway, this brings me to my next point and what inspired me to write you, your recent request to the musical ensemble Pet Shop Boys. Now, with exception to the Hold Steady double-disc I've little to look forward to in regards to the music industry, and I'm certainly not without a sense of humor. What you seem to forget is that the worst thing you could do to your organization is become a parody of yourself, which in recent events you have taken many steps toward. You'd be naive to not acknowledge and adapt to the fact that you have extremists in your organization that make the far religious right almost look rational. With this in mind, making your request to the Pet Shop Boys to change their name will bear little positive fruit, and on the contrary will further diminish the cause you claim to be fighting for.

I understand your intentions are in the right place, but perhaps it's time to change the Pandora Radio Station in the marketing office. Just a thought.

All the best,

President, Animal Revolutionary Society
Editor in Chief to Ron Placone

No comments: