Laura Bush has a memoir coming out. Topics include the potential poisoning her and gw were victim to in Germany and that her husband's main priority as president was preventing an attack...you can find this in the Fiction section of all major bookstores.
Laura Bush also mentions that a 1963 car crash in Texas that killed a schoolmate caused loss of faith, to bad that didn't have the same effect on her husband or we could've avoided all that abstinence only bs. The moral of the story: blame an invisible supreme being in the sky when you run a stop sign. The insurance company will buy it, promise.
The Federal Reserve issued their statement in regards to the current economy. Transcription below:
"Oops...our bad...party foul...f@!k it, let's go bowling!"
Goldman Executives issued a statement saying they have "No Regrets"...Ted Nugent is already working on the tribute song.
"We've got No Regrets!
We made some rockin' bets!
We've got money, we've got power,
O what a bummer, your deal went sour!"
(insert cow bell)