1. Honey...I'm pregnant!
2. Babe, I know you want kids and I don't...As a healthy compromise I got us a dog and myself a vasectomy, surprise!
3. Ann Coulter just gave birth to twin girls.
In the office:
4. Go up to your boss eating a fiber bar and say "I know you wanted the stool sample first thing in the morning, I'm still working on it."
5. Wal-Mart just bought out every non-commercial radio station in the US. When we say 'edgy' on the airwaves we mean Creed.
6. This is going to be the year for the Pittsburgh Pirates.
7. Turns out root beer cures the common cold.
8. Letting your cats lick your arm-pits is the equivalent of breast feeding for them due to the minerals and salts in your sweat...also like breast feeding said practice is nurturing, tickles a little and when done in public people tend to stare.